The Same Light

I found out something amazing! My husband said when he shared a room with his brother, that he would have to turn the light off early. He wanted to read his scriptures, so he would go in the closet and close the door so he could use the closet light.
I am one lucky wife! I am so blessed to have the man that I do. He is the man I need. I need a partner who wants to be part of the gospel just like I do. And my husband does!

An Imperfect Filter

I was able to go to Sunday School today after practicing the Primary Program. They talked about making sure we follow the gospel with our hearts instead of making it a check list. One comment was made to the effect: Jesus Christ is perfect and he does things perfect but we are not. Often we are used as instruments even though we are not perfect like Christ. He is working through an imperfect filter and the job still gets done.
This leads to us doing our best and doing things with our hearts especially when we are with other people.
I found a connection...
I had the chance to give an example of how to be brave when we have to do something hard by ourselves to the primary kids during practice.
I had a trombone solo to play during a musical play and I was intimidated. No one else played at all. The trumpet player (older and wiser) told me that no matter if I played it good or messed up, that I should play it strong and loud and with purpose. I hoped it helped the kids who were nervous saying their parts in the microphone. It gave me a good reminder to do my best with purpose even if I mess up.
I sort of related this to Christ using us as instruments even though we are not perfect. We do our best with full purpose of heart and those around us will get what they need and so will we. Even the parts the kids say wrong or the kids that had a hard time even saying theirs, had something to give.

I Need MUSIC!

We went to a different ward for church after a family reunion. The people did not sing the hymns during Sacrament meeting. We could only hear the chorister and we were sitting near the back!
I realized how much and how well our ward sings and I noticed how the spirit is there when we sing. I am really grateful our ward sings the hymns because I need it. The meeting feels more complete and has comfort.

Weaknesses Become Strengths

We did it! At least we hope we figured it out. My husband works hard to try to support me and finds himself lacking but we may have found the solution.
We addressed his weakness-he doesn't have very many. He has a hard time with communication and dealing with emotion, which is exactly the support I need.
We acknowledged it, accepted it, and made a plan to succeed. He may never be good at his weakness-but he listens well and can ask for help. All he has to do is listen to find out what support I need and ask me for help if he doesn't know what it is or what to do. He feels confident now and has rescued conversations and disagreements already! I don't mind helping as long as he listens, and he is good at listening.
We found he was distracted by the stress of his weakness and he was unable to listen to me. Now he feels no stress about the weakness because he just has to listen and ask for help.
I am so grateful for the opportunity to have weaknesses become strong. This was a perfect example of how we can just listen and ask and the Savior can help us. It is an amazing double meaning!

Both Lessons, Good and Bad

The kids and I went for a long trip (10 days) to visit my parents and family. While there, my parents and I had a harsh talk on my parenting techniques. I went away realizing I need to change some behaviors I have with my parents. The talk ended positive but I should have handled it differently from the beginning.
A little history on my conversation skills. I am incredibly agreeable and I lack the confidence to allow my feelings and needs to be met. I worry too much about making the other person comfortable and put their needs before my own.
That said- I need to handle conversations with my parents more like an independent adult even when the conversations are positive. I need confidence in my actions or at least to know that I'm doing my best and I will discuss things later after stating my stance. My stance is "I have to take care of this issue first, then if you want to talk later we can," instead of using their time line.
This is a skill I'd like to use with people in general. "I am a person and I am the one responsible to take care of my stuff. You can wait while I take care of me and my family. I am guided and directed and receive personal revelation for my stuff. Thank you for caring but it's my life."
I will have to figure out how to redirect conversations with others but this incite is such a blessing and will be so helpful when I figure out how to use it!
My parents said something helpful about my anger and that I am angry because my husband doesn't make enough money for me. It is true that finances stress me out for lack of money and we are so efficient and still lack. I told my husband he had to share in the stress of looking at our finances. I am the primary finance person in our family so it is time he shared that with me.
It is great to have a simple thing said. I notice I am less angry when I take it out on the actual problem. If I'm mad at my husband I need to take it out on him even if I have to yell or say not very nice things. I don't have a problem staying calm for the kids if I do that first. He should deal with my anger not them.
Both things came from my harsh talk with my parents, so I know I needed both lessons. The good and the bad blesses our lives.

Better Boundaries

There are times when I get "busy" and I don't want to be bothered. The kids bring me pictures and hug me or rub my belly or my arm to show they love me. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by so much attention and it makes me push them away. This is just the opposite of what I really want to do.
I want to accept their love but I have teach them how to love me too. I have started giving better boundaries so the kids don't feel rejected at those times and I don't feel overwhelmed. It is a balance that is hard for me to keep, but I certainly want the kids to feel accepted and loved by me.

Progress and Growth

It has been nearly 2 months and really, I have progressed. Getting more support to help me get my health and happiness back has really been effective. I've progressed in many ways-diet, exercise, daily stress, emotional and relationship drama is more controlled. I still have goals-I'd like to exercise more intensely, continue to de-stress and other stuff to keep the progress.
I just feel more free and so blessed for all the things I have. I am so grateful! I know I am watched over and I am where I need to be. Me and my family will grow from this trial. We already are.

Still a Little Stung

At church a friend of mine asked if I planned to do the same thing I did for the junior primary that I did for the senior. I was confused and sort of fumbled with my answer not knowing what she wanted. She had not looked at me or said anything else to me, not even a "hi" or smile, so I felt a little reprimanded. While she did this, I felt like I was one of her kids.
As I sat through sacrament meeting, still a little stung, I realized the flaw parents can make, including me. If the only attention a child gets is being put in an awkward spot, then that isn't a good relationship. A greeting should be said, a hug or smile of reassurance should be given. Something that says that person is important.
I learned I want to make sure I do those simple greetings to my family-husband and kids-because I love them and they're special to me.

Asking for Support

Like all married couples, my husband and I argue. Although we argue, I am always grateful he is my husband and picked out special just for me. I am so emotionally needy and it is hard for him to support me how I need it.
We figure it out and make it work and I just feel so grateful I have him to figure things out with. He tries and listens and wants to support me. I really couldn't ask for more. He is my perfect partner to progress with.
I have started my no sugar, balancing diet and mild exercise. I called my parents and two of my sisters for support and of course my husband. I have struggled doing all these stresses at the same time but have learned how important it is for me to do it this way. I have worked on each one separate-diet, exercise, daily stress, emotional, relationship, etc, and it is time to put it together.
I am finding new coping mechanisms and simplifying my life to create less stress. I talk to the kids so they know I am having a hard day. I have realized that asking for help or support is my main struggle. My kids are supporting me too and it is nice that they try to help me. I have been so blessed as the bad/crazy days get less often and I am able to stay calm enough to make better choices in how I react.
I have been blessed to have my aunt (a massage therapist) help me with drawing negative past emotions out so I can be less consumed or triggered by them. I felt at peace when she said, "they aren't something that just goes away, and we need this help sometimes". I have been battling against them and trying to let them go and they won't leave. She draws them out and I feel better but she can only do a little at a time so it will take more time to get it all out. The best news is, they can all be gone at some point.
My most recent revelation was my mind and body have not been together. They are opposite. One is ready when the other says no and they flip sides for nearly everything I do. My motivation levels are effected by this. It was a great wake up call to identify this but I have not found a solution yet. It is a start and now I can see what I can do or track my progress with this information. Knowledge is empowering.

$20 is $20

In a talk by Pres. Uchtdorf, he talked about a $20 bill and compared it to a person's value. Even if the $20 bill is dirty, torn and been through a lot, it is still worth $20 just like a clean, crisp $20 bill.

Praying is...

A talk I heard and enjoyed was about praying and that it's not like talking on the phone. Cell phones give us instant gratification. Praying is a developed relationship with time, patience and faith. I enjoyed the comparison and it is a boost to be patient for answers.

Something that will Effect Us to Change

Stake Conference was today and it was a little rough for me. My husband and I had some disagreements, and he is sick, and I had to go to it alone with the kids. Our cousins helped but I was still bummed.
One of the talks said that we would hear something that will effect us to change. I can't remember exactly what was said but I know how I feel because of it. It was something to do with the Savior knows where I am and it is okay. He is there and I can be patient and wait for the changes for me to be happy. This effected me because it brought peace and hope. I have faith that my Savior knows I am struggling to be free from my health imbalances. It is okay that I have to wait to be healed or to figure it out. I am calmer now and I can accept that I can't feel the way I want to feel. One day I will and while I am waiting, the Savior knows about my struggle and can help me endure.
On my way home I still felt the burdens and stress, but I felt new perspective. I felt a different reality and I have hope in Christ. I am okay and He knows it too!

The Lord Always Does His Part

We ARE blessed! Our finances worked out! After much stress, phone calls and paper work (along with prayers of course) we were able to make our house payments lower by $500 though a loan modification! There is a trial period for 3 months and then we will see how our payments are permanently.
If we had qualified for the refinance, then we would have only saved $200 a month. This modification effects our credit scores but is definitely going to benefit us in the long run. We are so grateful. Things work out when we wait, pray and do everything we can!

We are doing our part

My husband and I have been so blessed. As we have been struggling to get our finances in order, we know we are led and we will find the right solutions. We have opened the opportunities and we know we will be guided to pick the right thing for us.

Baptism Promises

My oldest child was baptized and confirmed on Saturday. It was so neat to be reminded of the same promises I made when I was eight. As we talked to her about our Savior, we can tell she understands and she wants to be part of the gospel.
As tears threatened my eyes throughout the ordinance and program, I am so grateful for my own testimony and that Samantha knows what I know. There is no greater feeling than knowing I've shared the TRUTH with my daughter! I am so proud of her and I know she knows how important the choice she made to be baptized is.
Sunday, I was so excited to bear my testimony and say that I know being baptized is the right thing. Jesus is my Savior and we can make it back to our Heavenly Father.

The Spirit of Christmas Found Us

We were so blessed over the Christmas season. Although we felt we were not too bad off, many people were thinking of us and were generous toward us. We received money anonymously from members of our ward, food baskets, and also a large stocking filled with small gifts (crowns, sword, popcorn, etc). My heart was so full of gratitude.
Then on Christmas Eve, my sister secretly dropped off a bag and box full of gifts. She had questioned the kids and us to see what we wanted for Christmas inconspicuously. She had sewed nightgowns for the girls and knew exactly what to give our boy (she has 5 boys for experience). Then we were shocked because she gave us a Wii game system. That was on MY wish list. I had tears from being so overwhelmed. We figured out who she was with different items I recognized from shopping with her on Black Friday. I made sure to make up a thank you card for "Secret Santa" to give to her and her family.
We also had family friends be thoughtful to us as well. They found gifts for each person that were so sweet and gave us some cash since they knew our finances were rough.
It is funny because we have been in tighter spots before and have had nothing, but people are so generous and care so much about us that we had an amazing Christmas. Our lives are so blessed and we have been shown how much we are loved by our friends and family. That truly is Christmas. We hope to do the same for others in the future.