Asking for Support

Like all married couples, my husband and I argue. Although we argue, I am always grateful he is my husband and picked out special just for me. I am so emotionally needy and it is hard for him to support me how I need it.
We figure it out and make it work and I just feel so grateful I have him to figure things out with. He tries and listens and wants to support me. I really couldn't ask for more. He is my perfect partner to progress with.
I have started my no sugar, balancing diet and mild exercise. I called my parents and two of my sisters for support and of course my husband. I have struggled doing all these stresses at the same time but have learned how important it is for me to do it this way. I have worked on each one separate-diet, exercise, daily stress, emotional, relationship, etc, and it is time to put it together.
I am finding new coping mechanisms and simplifying my life to create less stress. I talk to the kids so they know I am having a hard day. I have realized that asking for help or support is my main struggle. My kids are supporting me too and it is nice that they try to help me. I have been so blessed as the bad/crazy days get less often and I am able to stay calm enough to make better choices in how I react.
I have been blessed to have my aunt (a massage therapist) help me with drawing negative past emotions out so I can be less consumed or triggered by them. I felt at peace when she said, "they aren't something that just goes away, and we need this help sometimes". I have been battling against them and trying to let them go and they won't leave. She draws them out and I feel better but she can only do a little at a time so it will take more time to get it all out. The best news is, they can all be gone at some point.
My most recent revelation was my mind and body have not been together. They are opposite. One is ready when the other says no and they flip sides for nearly everything I do. My motivation levels are effected by this. It was a great wake up call to identify this but I have not found a solution yet. It is a start and now I can see what I can do or track my progress with this information. Knowledge is empowering.

$20 is $20

In a talk by Pres. Uchtdorf, he talked about a $20 bill and compared it to a person's value. Even if the $20 bill is dirty, torn and been through a lot, it is still worth $20 just like a clean, crisp $20 bill.

Praying is...

A talk I heard and enjoyed was about praying and that it's not like talking on the phone. Cell phones give us instant gratification. Praying is a developed relationship with time, patience and faith. I enjoyed the comparison and it is a boost to be patient for answers.

Something that will Effect Us to Change

Stake Conference was today and it was a little rough for me. My husband and I had some disagreements, and he is sick, and I had to go to it alone with the kids. Our cousins helped but I was still bummed.
One of the talks said that we would hear something that will effect us to change. I can't remember exactly what was said but I know how I feel because of it. It was something to do with the Savior knows where I am and it is okay. He is there and I can be patient and wait for the changes for me to be happy. This effected me because it brought peace and hope. I have faith that my Savior knows I am struggling to be free from my health imbalances. It is okay that I have to wait to be healed or to figure it out. I am calmer now and I can accept that I can't feel the way I want to feel. One day I will and while I am waiting, the Savior knows about my struggle and can help me endure.
On my way home I still felt the burdens and stress, but I felt new perspective. I felt a different reality and I have hope in Christ. I am okay and He knows it too!

The Lord Always Does His Part

We ARE blessed! Our finances worked out! After much stress, phone calls and paper work (along with prayers of course) we were able to make our house payments lower by $500 though a loan modification! There is a trial period for 3 months and then we will see how our payments are permanently.
If we had qualified for the refinance, then we would have only saved $200 a month. This modification effects our credit scores but is definitely going to benefit us in the long run. We are so grateful. Things work out when we wait, pray and do everything we can!

We are doing our part

My husband and I have been so blessed. As we have been struggling to get our finances in order, we know we are led and we will find the right solutions. We have opened the opportunities and we know we will be guided to pick the right thing for us.

Baptism Promises

My oldest child was baptized and confirmed on Saturday. It was so neat to be reminded of the same promises I made when I was eight. As we talked to her about our Savior, we can tell she understands and she wants to be part of the gospel.
As tears threatened my eyes throughout the ordinance and program, I am so grateful for my own testimony and that Samantha knows what I know. There is no greater feeling than knowing I've shared the TRUTH with my daughter! I am so proud of her and I know she knows how important the choice she made to be baptized is.
Sunday, I was so excited to bear my testimony and say that I know being baptized is the right thing. Jesus is my Savior and we can make it back to our Heavenly Father.

The Spirit of Christmas Found Us

We were so blessed over the Christmas season. Although we felt we were not too bad off, many people were thinking of us and were generous toward us. We received money anonymously from members of our ward, food baskets, and also a large stocking filled with small gifts (crowns, sword, popcorn, etc). My heart was so full of gratitude.
Then on Christmas Eve, my sister secretly dropped off a bag and box full of gifts. She had questioned the kids and us to see what we wanted for Christmas inconspicuously. She had sewed nightgowns for the girls and knew exactly what to give our boy (she has 5 boys for experience). Then we were shocked because she gave us a Wii game system. That was on MY wish list. I had tears from being so overwhelmed. We figured out who she was with different items I recognized from shopping with her on Black Friday. I made sure to make up a thank you card for "Secret Santa" to give to her and her family.
We also had family friends be thoughtful to us as well. They found gifts for each person that were so sweet and gave us some cash since they knew our finances were rough.
It is funny because we have been in tighter spots before and have had nothing, but people are so generous and care so much about us that we had an amazing Christmas. Our lives are so blessed and we have been shown how much we are loved by our friends and family. That truly is Christmas. We hope to do the same for others in the future.

Perfect Timing

When we got home from visiting my family for the weekend. I found a puddle downstairs in our house. The ceiling was wet and then we found the ceiling upstairs was wet too. It has been snowing and raining an unusual amount this week for our area. We think the roof leaked and made it's way down the wall to drip downstairs. We had been discussing Christmas and how much money we didn't have, and decided we couldn't buy anything especially with the roof leaking.
The bishop called and left a message to see if we wanted help with Christmas this year and go to Deseret Industries to help out. I called him back in the morning and told him I would have told him no if our roof wasn't leaking, but since it was I said yes.
I went through the clothes we have for the kids and made a list of the things we are lacking and I will have to see what is there at DI to figure out good Christmas gifts for the kids. I've collected a few small things over the year but it would be good to give something bigger since we have the opportunity.
We have been hoping to have our 68 Bronco sell to lessen our financial burden, and it hasn't yet. Refinancing the house fell through last week so we were not able to lower our payments. This was a great time to hear a phone call from our bishop. He is always mindful of us. We are BLESSED! I won't feel stressed since I know our kids will have what they need and good Christmas presents. I've recognized how important this factor is and I'm so grateful to have the stress minimized.

The Past has come back to Bless Me

I saw one of my ex-boyfriends this month and it had been about 10 years since I've seen him last. Although unresolved emotions turned up, I was grateful to see him happy and progressing in life. He's married with a couple kids and has a good job.
As I was turning over the unresolved emotions, I realized I was mourning the loss of his friendship. We had been best friends for years and only dated in college for one year. As I look back at our friendship and the qualitites he had, I see how it prepared me to marry my husband and to be able to support a very stubborn husband. (The ex also had an overdose of stubbornness.)
As my husband has become less stubborn and more open minded over the years, I can see why he was the one I was supposed to marry. Heavenly Father really looks after me and prepares me for things I don't understand in the present time. It was difficult for me to have my husband be so similar to an ex-boyfriend , with a constant reminder. (Hobbies, stubbornness, etc.) I thought I was being tortured at times but in the end it is turning out to be wonderful and exceptional!

I felt different and it was good

I was sitting on the couch in the living room and my oldest 2 children were with me. They were being silly and I felt happy. I even teased my son and adored his teasing and giggles he gave back. My daughter just giggled with us and I LOVED it. I felt different and it was GOOD.
For many years I have been struggling with postpartum depression and have lacked tolerance and motivation. It was sweet to have a moment of tolerance, but not just that, I actually enjoyed my children how I want to.

The Scriptures Say...

Last week I was having frustrating feelings toward a few siblings in my family. Those feelings came up because I was going through stuff that related to them with my own kids. I had feelings of helplessness, burdened, frustrated, among others. Thoughts came to my mind about the scriptures. Nephi did not have to repent when he killed Laban, and Abraham did not have to repent when he lied and said Sarah was his sister. This lifted a burden since I was feeling bad for causing contention. I know in a few incidents I was led by the Holy Ghost to say and do things and they were not received well, but I know Heavenly Father wanted me to do them.

The other thing that made me feel better was when we were reading the scriptures and it said "the Lord saw that it was pleasant". I thought the use of the word pleasant was interesting and then I thought that simple words were used throughout the scriptures to describe us or the things we do that are good. Other words are "it was good". The grand words are used to describe God and that is how it should be, "miraculous", "wonderful", "great".
My feelings of helplessness died since the Lord requires me to be good and pleasant. I don't need to do all the "fantastic" worldly stuff to be happy (Disney World, designer clothes, etc). I felt better because I can work on making my life good and pleasant and I don't have to compete to be wonderful or great. That's the Lord's job.

The Power of Being Trained

While I was leading the music in Primary yesterday, we had so much fun that I lost track of time along with everyone else! I was called to be the music leader for primary a couple months before and had struggled feeling the spirit and helping the kids feel the power in music. Now, I had just been trained for my calling and watched the music leader video and I had tried to follow the steps it gave me. It was absolutely amazing! We all had fun and the spirit was definitely there.

Taking Turns

I had the stomach flu last week and my friend drove my boy and her boy to kindergarten for me. We take turns so now we were off track for driving the boys. The next day her water pipe broke in her house and I was able to drive the boys for her.
I wasn't quite better yet and I usually watched her younger boys so she could help at the school when she drives but I didn't need to, so that relieved me. My husband happened to be home that day, randomly, so he watched our youngest as I drove the boys in and I also went to the grocery store kid free! It was a nice break.

It all came together

This was an especially crazy day for me. The kids had SEP's (school conferences), and music class was starting and I needed to be there for parent day. Unfortunately I had signed up for the SEP's at the same time as the music class. I asked my cousin to go with my son to his class and I would make it home to go to my daughter's after the SEP conferences.
My friend came over in the morning to bottle pears with me. She arrived late and we finished just in time for me to go to help in my daughter's class at 2:00. Then at 3:00 I did my son's SEP. After, I was going to send him home on the bus to go to his music class and I was going to stay for my daughter's SEP. My son's testing took longer than expected and he missed the bus. I told my daughter not to ride the bus but I could not find her. I saw her teacher in the hallway and she asked if I wanted to do the SEP early and I said yes, assuming my daughter took the bus home.
When we finished we rushed out the door with just enough time to drive home for my son's music class. As we rushed he said "there's she is!" and I said "where?" I looked over and my daughter was on the playground at the school right by us. A neighbor had taken her out of the office just a few minutes before. We all made it home safely! Together! We actually got home right when the bus did. My cousin panicked briefly since my son did not get off the bus but that was relieved quickly.
I was so blessed since I didn't leave without my daughter-it would have been crazy to drive 20 minutes back to the school (40 min round trip!), and the kids made it to music class with me there, and I was so blessed to get my daughter's SEP done early! I can't say how grateful I am for tender mercies! Not to mention the heartache of losing a child was avoided.